During my training as a hand in hand instructor, I heard about the concept of a love bomb. If you’re familiar with special time, a love bomb is like an extended special time (and not as long as a full-on “Yes” tag). When I presented the idea of a love bomb to my husband, he was ready to try it out.
We agreed to shoot a love bomb for three hours on the weekend, in addition to 20 minutes of special time every day.
One weekend my 11-year-old daughter spent three hours with my husband while my eight-year-old son was with me, and we exchanged views the following weekend.
During the love bomb season, we tried to stick to the rules and mood of Special timeto let our children take the lead while we cherished them.
We allowed media for the first six weeks, and very often we would sit next to our children while they watched movies or played computer games.
It was a challenge for me. It was hard to stay happy and cheerful with them when I was concerned about whether they would spend all of their time in media or get addicted. I kept imagining that they were asking for more media time, and I feared that this experiment of letting the media in for three hours was a wrong decision.
But to my surprise, they didn’t often spend all of their time playing or watching. In fact, they only used the full three hours once. Another thing that surprised me was how many times they were very, very even after that.
Small, normal sibling rivalries just disappeared.
They also started playing with each other more and more as the week went on.
Even so, after six weeks we decided to see what would develop if we cut off her media access during the love bomb for the next six sessions.
They accepted it pretty quickly and started thinking about how they would spend their time. I think that’s because we developed a trust in one another during our previous love bombs.
So we ended up with archery, acrylic painting, role-playing games with figures and buying sweets. Once they even wanted to try wild bucking bronco rides with us – it was great fun and we all enjoyed it!
How did our experiment go?
Actually, I’m incredibly happy with the results.
It is easy to see that the children are much more loving with one another.
They still quarrel at times, and it can get really loud and intense, but we’ve found that they easily overcome their quarrels and become friends again in no time.
Last week I went out for a listening partnership when it was them
We change the water of some of the tadpoles that we raise.
When I came back, I found her in chaos.
They yelled at each other and looked like they were seconds away from getting physical. I had no idea what was going on and listened.
It turned out that there was very little water left in the tadpole bucket, and a dispute arose over how best to move the remaining tadpoles.
They had tried some unsuccessful ideas and then my son tried to collect the creatures with a small cloth. My daughter, who feared that he would kill her in the process, called him by name.
He called their names.
I discovered that in all his stress and worry, he had also stated that he didn’t care if a tadpole died!
I listened to them for a while and every now and then reassured my daughter that her brother was fine. I told her that he felt stressed and scared but didn’t really want to kill the tadpoles.
At the same time, I occasionally reminded my son that his sister really loved him and acted as she did after she was scared.
After a few minutes of expressing herself, things calmed down.
My daughter said, “He didn’t look scared at all! Is that so when someone is scared? ”
When I nodded, she looked at me very surprised, the glow of her “aha moment” still bright in her eyes.
They connected again, much, much faster than I was used to, and shortly afterwards I heard them talk about how they could resolve the situation.
I definitely attribute this recovery and reconnection to my regular love bombing. It feels like they have really reconnected at the heart level and that is amazing to see!
It’s just such a contrast to before.
Since the love bombs started, her sibling bond seems to have stayed strong and stable for most of the week. They play very well together and are very happy, funny and exuberant. It was wonderful to see her strong sense of humor, independence and inner satisfaction develop.
Your whole mood seems to have realigned.
I am very grateful to have heard about the concept of the love bomb. It made a huge difference to us.
Are you thinking of trying a love bomb?
I don’t think there’s a need to schedule a love bomb three hours a week or even every weekend if you don’t have that much time. Just look for a comfortable fit for your special family and give it a try. Then experiment. See what works.
To like Special time, proclaim the love bomb and set the time when you will do it. If you need to set cash or security limits, do so too.
When parents ask about screen time restrictions for the special time, hand in hand teachers recommend saying: yes, to screen the first 6-12 times while building confidence in the activity. We used this mindset when we started making love bombs and allowing media.
We later approached the children and asked them to think of other things that didn’t include screens.
Let your child guide you during your love bombing, admire their choices and appreciate the time you have together. Limit distractions while together and have fun.
Love bombs have allowed us to build deeper connections and that has had a positive effect on all of us.
Hope you try love bombs out with your family and see the same great rewards.